Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
