I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
