my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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