We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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