I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
