I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
