Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
