and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
