i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
