He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
