I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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