Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
