How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
