Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
