Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
