My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
