Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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