Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
