I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
