it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I need a beard to bite.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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