I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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