the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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