hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
