that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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