Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
