I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
