I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
