WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
