highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
