i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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