you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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