he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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