The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
