I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
