WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Will exercising make me less horny?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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