I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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