Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
