I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
