pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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