Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
