Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
