3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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