I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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