So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
ugly people sure do ruin things
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
