I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
