i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
