You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
