I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
