So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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