It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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