dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
