I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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