omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
im holly from the hills drunk
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Randomize
