I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
